


Fears

by TheBaggins



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Tarsus IV
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-05
Updated: 2016-10-31
Packaged: 2018-08-19 19:18:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8221987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBaggins/pseuds/TheBaggins
Summary: James T Kirk is having nightmares again and Bones knows it. He tries to help him but Jim is just too stubborn to accept his help. Something happens thought that makes him relive his nightmares. They arrive on a planet on which a terrible fvirus has brought it to its last resorts. Jim will have to see history repeat itself as the Events of Tarsus IV and the actions of Kodos might take place again on planet Ibar and he has to face him once again in the face of Commander Megra.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I started this as a mckirk fanfic going to slash but it just had such potential so it ended up becoming an "episode"  
> Also according to the events this is AOS timeline but in my mind every character looks like the TOS characters and they act accordingly....go figure  
> I just love both but i like the idea of Kirk and Bones being rommates at the Academy.

" _Murder lives forever_  
 _And so does war_  
 _It's survival of the fittest_  
 _Rich against the poor_ "  
Marina and the Diamonds, Savages

 

" _I'm not afraid of God, I am afraid of Man_ "  
Marina and the Diamonds, Savages

 

Jim was having nightmares again. Bones knew that very well. He was certain Jim’s sleep was not quiet and that he was being pestered by bad dreams again. Bones knew right away whenever there was something wrong with Jim, he just always did. It was a skill he had developed after all those years of friendship with that reckless kid. And this time he was having troubles with his sleep. McCoy recognized the symptoms: The black circles under Jim’s eyes, his lassitude and slight irritability and most important his downed spirit. Jim was always a person of great energy, high spirits, optimism…Things that Bones always admired about him. Now all these traits were gone giving their place to quiet and moodiness. Jim was not himself and Bones knew why. He had seen this happen to the Captain before, some years back, during their days at the Academy.

  
Then they shared a room and whenever Jim was stressed or anxious about something –which was a very rare occasion especially in his early Academy days- the nightmares were soon to follow. He’d whisper in his troubled sleep words of desperation and plead. Mostly he repeated “No no don’t” sounding very anxious. In such nights Bones would wake up and sit next to him. Jim was asleep or else he’d never dare to do that. He knew Jim wanted his privacy, his dignity. So he went silently and sat by his side, at times pecking him on the back in a reassuring effort, whispering : “It’s gonna be alright Jim. Don’t worry”, and waited till Jim calmed down and his breathing was not strained anymore. Of course there were times that things would be worse. There were times that Jim would wake up in horror, try to calm himself and then weep silently. Such nights were bad for Bones too. Because then he didn’t know how to help him. He didn’t know how to soothe his pain. He pretended to be asleep not wanting to let his friend know he could hear him. He kept his back turned to him and sometimes he’d tear up while he heard Jim’s muffled sobs.

  
Bones didn’t know exactly what troubled Jim. But he was suspecting something. He suspected it had something to do with the incident on Tarsus IV. Jim was only a kid back then, but he never spoke of his stay there. Not in detail anyway. In time Bones got to know Jim well enough so as to learn parts of the story. Vague stories and short references that never gave the big picture. True horror is what he gathered out of all that. Honestly it was admirable to him that this kid turned out to be so good with all the stuff he'd gone through.

  
Now the situation was similar. Bones could tell Jim was worried about something the whole week. Probably about that upcoming meeting with some Federation Ambassadors. Jim never liked these meetings. There was so much at stake and so little he could do. McCoy could see him wonder about in the ship at late times, passed his shift, looking very absorbed, Or hear him pace up and down in his quarters when he passed from outside.

  
That particular day Bones was very absorbed himself in his thoughts and he bumbed on at least afew crew men while he walked abstractly through the corridors. After a lot of thought he had decided to sneak into Jim’s quarters that night in order to confirm his suspicions on the sleep disorder. He'd try to convince him to take one of those red pills that were so miraculous. After all it was his job to make sure the Captain was healthy and in good condition to perform his duties. Speak of the devil, Jim was just in the restaurant not eating his food.

  
“Now that’s an unparalleled circumstance” said McCoy putting on a shocked face, “Why Jim, this must be the first time I see you leave your food on it’s plate for more than a few seconds. Are you sick ? Want me to call the nurse?”  
Jim glanced at him. “Oh it’s the good doctor then isn’t it? Come to check on me again Bones? Isn’t it enough you watch me on the bridge all the time? Come on I’m not in the mood. I don’t wanna be lectured or teased”.  
“So I’ve noticed” said McCoy sitting down next to him and lowering his voice he said :“What’s the matter Jim? Tell me. I can help. Just talk to me”.

  
Jim looked at him and grinned but said nothing.

  
“Dammit Jim. Just tell me what’s troubling you. I can’t see you this way. Let me help.” More silence on Jim's part. “Ah forget it. I know you have trouble sleeping again”.

  
Jim seemed unsurprised but still gave the doctor an intense look and said dryly: “Well since you know there’s no point discussing it”.  
“Blast it, if you keep me in the dark how the hell am I supposed to help you?”

  
“ I don’t need any help Bones I’m fine. It’s temporary”.

  
“Oh? So you’re a doctor too now? Well, since you’re not tellin’ me, so we can resolve this more permanantly…the least I can do is give you something to help you sleep. Remember those red pills I gave you that time with the insomnia infection that was going around the Enterprise?” at this point the doctor's face took a disapproving almost pained expression. He didn't like that insident, some red-shirts had picked up an infection on a planet they'd stopped that caused severe insomnia. Not of Bones' best few days, the whole crew was irritable and the coffee was over in a matter of hours. That memory gave Bones the chills. He sure loved his coffee. He tried to shake those thoughts away and continued:

“ You’ll sleep like a log with these. And I’ll be keepin’ an eye on you. I just wish you’d talk to me 'is all”.  
“It’s ok Bones. Don’t worry about me I’ll be fine. Just...eat your lunch will you? And leave me in peace for a moment you’re giving me a head ache”.  
“You have a head ache? I can fix that” said Bones reaching for his little kit.

  
“Don’t you dare…” Jim interrupted him. He'd had bad experiences the last time he heard those words from Bones.

  
The doctor gave him an annoyed half-insulted look. “Fine” he said “As you wish. Sir. I’ll go now. It’s not my lunch time yet I eat after the crew’s done. Now you rest you hear me? Just …try to keep it low”. Yeah right! He thought, when did that kid ever keep it low?  
“Yeah yeah I will. Just go now”. Bones left and Jim let a sigh of relief slip him.

Bones was always worrying about him. Understandable, he thought. But he just didn’t want to be bothered now, let alone talk to anyone about his dreams.  
He kept dreaming of his days at Tarsus IV for a while now. Blurry dreams full of death, screams and a man chasing him. Kodos. Jim only saw a figure in his dreams but he knew it was him. Who else could it be anyway? He chased him mercilessly and Jim was crying ‘no’ in his sleep. Sometimes the figure came too close to him. So close he could almost reach him. So close he could hear his threatening breath on the back of his neck . Then he’d wake up and sit up, frightened, and breathless with cold sweat running down his back. Realizing it was all a dream he’d fall back to his pillow trying to calm down. He had no idea what the hell was going on it was quite a while since he' d had those nightmares . He was feeling rather stressed lately so maybe that was it. Negotiation meetings were always stressing him. Too much at steak, too little he could do. Perhaps it would be best if he’d consult Bones, maybe the doctor was right, as usual... But no, he really didn’t want to talk about it with anyone not even Bones.

  
He had noticed Bones was checking up on him regularly . And recently so was Spock. Though Spock might have been less intuitive than McCoy on the subject he surely would have noticed his lowered energy. He’d give him worried looks at times. Well, with Spock you were never sure he looked at you in any way other than a serious, non-expressive one. But he knew his first officer well enough to know he was worried about him.  
After battling with his food for about an hour Jim decided to give up and go back to the bridge. Nothing happened during the day. Nothing noticeable anyway, apart from the usual quarrels between Spock and the Doctor that worsened his headache. He retired early in the night, giving his shift to Spock, as Bones nearly dragged him to his quarters and forced him to take one of the pills, put him to bed and almost succeded locking him in. Jim gave a lot of effort to convince him that it was not necessary and threatened to throw Bones off the ship if he didn’t leave his room immediately. He slept very fast due to the effects of the pills. He was soon swept into a quiet, deep and dreamless sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Bones decides to check on Kirk during the night, to see if he has managed to get some sleep
> 
> And in which Kirk does some introspeciton regarding himself and Spok, Bones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes it's the point where the slash would have started  
> You guessed it  
> But this one goes at a different direciton

Later that night McCoy slipped quietly into Jim’s room. He had heard him saying something while checking on him outside his door and decided go in. The pills must have helped him sleep peacefully for a while but the nightmares must have returned, he thought. Right at that moment Jim yelled “Help us” and sat up on the bed waking up. Bones run by his side and shook him. “Jim! What’s the matter?”.

  
“I..uh..Bones? Is that you?” he whispered.

  
“Yes Jim. I’m here. It’s ok. It was all a dream you’re awake now. And safe”.

  
“Damn it Bones. What the hell are you doing in here? I thought I ordered you to get out.”Jim said irritably. “ And what’s that thing in your hand?” he said pointing a rather large bottle on Bones’ hand.

  
“Oh that..uhm..well it’s..let’s say it’s some sort of medicine”.

  
“Bones?” At this point jIm sat up to take a better look at the bottle. He rubbed his eyes in an effort to wake up and shake the images of the dream away.

  
“Ok it’s Romulan Ale. You got me. I had a glass and…I thought maybe I could share it with ya”.

  
“Why that’s very thoughtful of you doctor” Jim said wih a smirk and got up,still trying to find his breath.He slowly reached for his drawer. He took out 2 glasses and served the drink. “Cheers”.

  
They drank quietly for a bit. Bones sat on the chair across Jim’s bed. “So are you going to tell me what’s the matter? What is that dream that keeps you awake?”  
“You want to analyze me Bones? Its the middle of the night”.  
“Come on Jim I've known you for too long to recognize the pattern. It's those Tarsus IV nightmares again isn't it?”  
Jim looked at Bones surprised and tense.  
“What, I've known you since Starfleet Academy. God we even shared a room. I've known Jim. And you mentioned a few things once or twice it's not hard to put the pieces together. Besides, it's all on your record. Well not in detail anyway but it's mentioned you were one of the few survivors and even fewer witnesses of the murderous events of Tarsus IV. You've been through hell Jim. It's only logical these experiences would stay with you, I know”

  
“You don'tknow anything Bones” , Jim said briskly and looked away. He let out a small sigh and paced back and forth for a couple of seconds. He really doesn't know. How could he. He thought of sharing his story with Bones a few times over the years they spent together in th Academy. At times he felt he owed him that at least. He's been there for him when no one was, caring for him. He was pretty sure he remembered the intense worried looks he got from his friend every morning after he'd had the nightmares, but Bones was always too discreet to ask about them specifically. It was always general questions of “Are you ok?” and “How're you holding up Jim?” All of which he answered with the usual “I'm fine Bones” and an occassional “I'll be ok”. At times when the nightmares were so bad he thought he'd felt a hand on his back, a small push, slowly bringing him back to reality. Jim never aknowledged it, in his effort to keep his thoughts to himself, and Bones respected that.

Jim had gone through psych evaluation before joining the Academy and before being assigned command duties. They all showed he was perfectly fine (as fine as any person can be) and had no signs of panick issues, to which he at first blamed the nightmares on. He soon came to realise the nightmares where not triggered by panic. Or stress necessarily, though stress never helped. No, they were a constant reminder of his brief time in Tarsus IV. A constant reminder of how cruel people can be and how important compassion was. A reminder that people like Kodos were not to be joked with, that they were merciless and should be stopped. Jim had gone through therapy after his time in Tarsus . Brief one, as no one had really known what happened there, it was a precautionary process for all the survivors of the incident. He hadn't taken it too seriously at the time but he was sure it didn't really helpnor could it. He'd never stopped looking over his shoulder and checking twice before turning on an alley, he'd never stopped feeling worried. Ofcourse in time all the fear was reduced. It became part of himself and he slowly got over it and the paranoia.However stressful days always brought back that feeling of uneasiness, which in turn brought the nightmares. Espceially when it came close to the anniversary of the incident, which now it was.

“SO?” Bones asked again, percistantly.

“Damn it Bones dont' you ever give up? Ever crossed your mind that I don't want to talk about it? Maybe you should lay off” Jim said erraticaly.  
Bones said nothing for a while. In the dim lighting of the room Jim thought he saw him frown. Usual, he though. Although a sudden wave of sorrow shadowed his face. Jim felt bad. Bones didn't deserve that , he knew he was worried, but sometimes he just couldn't help it, Bones was usually the one to snap at because he was the one who'd take it. Maybe he was right. Maybe he needed to talk.

  
Jim never found it easy to talk about his feelings. Not like Bones did. He was more like Spock in that way. It came easy to him to share his joy or anger or sadness, easy for him to get excited and passionate about anything that got his attention, always first to talk about the things he loved; but talk about his feelings? No, he just couldn't. He felt it would make him vulnerable. Opening up like that to someone? He'd always managed to keep a certain image of himself, a certain attitude that helped him go by ,helped him keep himself in control. He was careful not to be too much all over people and , though he shared his enthusiasm without hesitation, he kept his feelings to himself. In his life he found few people he could talk to like that ,in fact only two. And the first one left all of a sudden, years ago, long before the Academy. Left Jim alone where he was to go through everything, he left him determined not to allow anyone get so close to him again, so he wouldn't feel so empty in their absence. Bones however had managed to do just that. He'd gotten to know Jim more than anyone and he stayed. Jim was grateful for that more than he could ever explain. Spock too, though in a very different way.

  
Spock was ok. He was ok with him. He didn't like talking about emotions either but already considered Kirk emotional like all humans so it made no difference if JIm shared something more personal. And Kirk was the one human Spock had let in. In return Jim respected and accepted Spock as he was, no questions asked, he was OK with him. So the feeling was mutual, a mutual sense of acceptance and understanding.  
Bones on the other hand felt more like a security blanket. The one you don't realise you depend upon but feel greatful to have, a discreet presence that inspired a familiarity you rarely find in people.

“Jim,” Bones' voice took him out of his thoughts, it sounded cold and formal“as the ship's CMO it's my duty to make sure the Captain is 100% fit for duty. Now I'm not being nosy or anything but as your friend I am very concerned about your health. We're not in the Academy anymore, I can't disregard insomnia on the Captain's part. It's important and it can affect you, your decisions...Now if you don't wanna talk to me as a friend and let me help you, at least consider your crew. They depend on you Jim. Don't let your stubborness get in the way of your compitency. At least let me help as your doctor.” He paused for a moment taking a deep breath and then added in more personal tone, lowering his voice: “ For anything you need I'm here you know that”.

“I know Bones I'm sorry” Jim sighed before continuing, “it's not ….easy for me to talk about these things alright? I don't want to remember them let alone give them life by talking about them” he stoped again and let another sigh out.  
“Well Jim,” Bones said while getting up, his voice softer now “If you do decide you want help you know where to find me. Oh and I suggest you do, if you don't solve this quickly by yourself.”

“I will , thanks Bones...for everything” Jim smiled tiredly. The Doctor shook his head and headed to the door. He opened it but before he left he said quietly “Goodnight Jim” and without turning around he left the room.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Jim's nightmares get wors and he has a breakdown

A couple of days passed and nothing much happened. Jim's nightmares continued uninterrupted affecting his mood and attitude. He became more eratic but still wouldn't admit not being ok. He was stoic about the whole situation, didn't complain to anyone, show any other signs of fatigue or incompetence. He had decided the whole thing would pass after the meeting with the Ambassadors. Until then he would just have to be patient and not let anything get in his way of doing things.

  
Mostly he tried to avoid the worried knowing looks of the doctor filled with disapprovement , who in every chance was trying to catch him alone and talk to him about it – or so he thought anyway. He also avoided looking his First Officer in the eyes, because he knew that Spock knew. He always did somehow , but he could always count on Spock not to say anything about it. Sometimes he thought he caught his two oficers talking about him because when he caught them wispering to each other in the hallway they'd stop immidiately and regain their more usual passive aggressive tones with each other. Another time he caught them chatting on their way out of the turbolift to the bridge, and looking his way in a conspicuous manner.

  
Now Jim wasn't a type to get annoyed by such behaviours, especially considering these were his two closest friends and had only his and the crew's best interest in mind. However, lately with the lack of sleep, his mind wasn't very clear,every negative feeling he had ever had was coing to surface, he was very aware of his surroundings to the extend of noticing every little detail , every sound, small movements the crewmen made, and everything felt to be in a state of pother, everything felt unfamiliar and caught his attention. He found it hard to concentrate on one thing this way. Background noises he usually wouldn't notice became unbearable to him, like the sound of the turbolift, the sound of the consoles on the bridge, the whispers between the crew members. It was like his senses were too hightened and he sensed alarm everywhere. This state of anxiety didn't help with his sleep either. It made him jumpy and lead to even more sleepless hours.

To Bones he pretended to be ok. He gave him confident smirks whenever he caught him staring at him worried. But he knew the doctor wasn't convinced. Well I don't care he can think what he likes, he's going to talk about it to Spock anyway , seems these two are very close lately. Once that thought passed his mind, he felt a strange shiver go through his entire body like a sudden wave of clarity. How could he think so toxiacly about his two most trusted friends and oficers? Mccoy sure wasn't the type to mince words he always came clear about what he was thinking about you wether you liked it or not. And Spock , the most logical guy Jim ever knew ,wouldn't find reason being secretive about him. What was he thinking...

Half the week passed in the same manner. Eventually they reached a certain lonely planet in the Noctae Prime Star System. It was the only planet inhabited by intelligent life and it was their last stop for a day of rest until their final destination to the Floating City of Nocia, the place where the Ambassadors would be found. No Federation star-ships or representatives had passed from that system in a very long time last they heard of them was about 5 years ago when the people of that planet, Ibar, asked for medical supplies and aid from the Federation because some famine had broken out. The Federation sent vessels with specialized personelle to help out, they'd come back positive of the results. Ever since communications had been scarce until a year ago when they stopped receiving any kind of communication. It was assumed everything went back to normal for that planet, they didn't want much to do with the Federation anyway, they were far out in the very isolated parts of the galaxy and did well by themselves.

  
Kirk had thought it'd be a good opportunity to check on the planet if they stopped there on their way to Nocia right before they started their journey, as well as a last chance to rest and gather strength for the upcoming meetings which would be very draining. It was a long way to Nocia anyway.

So in the middle of the week the Enterprise reduced speed and started prepping to approach the planet's orbit within a few hours. Jim at that point was in his quarters, it was early in the morning hours(as much as you can call it a morning in space since the sun never rises) and was lost deeply in his thoughts. He'd recovered only moments ago by a troubling scene in his dreams. This time it was the worst of all, which hinted his situation had reach it's limits and he couldn't ignore it anymore. He decided to seek for help. It'd taken him an alarmingly long time to realise he was now awake and in the Enterprise instead of Tarsus IV , ever chased by fumes and the dark figure of Kodos becoming more clearer than ever as he walked through them. The smoke became thin and the number of bodies around Jim became clear. That feeling of seeing them for the first time, seeing people he knew, now barely recognizable by the damage the fire had caused, that feeling of nausia and having the ground under your feet removed violently, overcame him once again as if it was happening right now. Then the figured came out of the smoke. To Jim it was like time hadn't passed, the nausia became stronger and sheer terror filled his body. He was trembling, sweating and e couldn't move. He woke up just then when he sense the Enterprise loosing speed. He spent a long while his body in subtle spasms, unable to move, get up or even open his eyes.  
Eventually he managed to regain his cool and got up, leaving a mental note to himself to speak to Mccoy as soon as he could, after he learned why the ship was slowing down.

He came out of his quarters fast, most of the decks were quiet and dimly lit as half the crew was still just waking up. He moved to the turbolift swiftly yet slightly out of balance. Once the doors opened to the bridge, the usual crew was there. They barely noticed him, they were all in excitement, working furiously at their posts. He must have looked a bit lost because when Bones finally noticed him he took a worried expression and walking up to him he asked quietly :

“Jim? Is everything ok?”

“Uh” Jim lost words for a moment. He was curious as to why everyone was so busy but he also wanted to tell the doctor about his condition. “Yes what's going on here? Why's everyone excited and why did we slow down?” he asked finaly.

Uhura Spock and Bones, the ones closer to him, looked at him inquisitively.

“Well? “ Jim repeated impatiently and louder this time so most heads turned his way “Is someone going to inform me on the situation of my ship? Shouldn't the Captain know why we're slowing down?” he failed to see as to why everyone was so taken aback by his question.

“Uh Captain.” Spocks deep voice was heard “We've reached the planet Ibar, we have a scheduled stop here. On your orders sir.” His expression unchanged through the whole speech, but his final phrase was underlined.

Jim's mind started working furiously Ofcourse! Ibar! It was his idea to make a stop on that planet once they set course for Nocia, How could he forget? His thoughts cleared ever slowly and eventually he remembered everything. He realised he must have looked very strange to the whole crew with his behaviour. Then he remembered Mccoy was standing behind him and turned to face him. He had just finished exchanging a look with Spock and looked back at Jim in an almost triumphant way, like he already knew Jim had reach his lowest and now would seek his help, as if he already knewthis would happen. Every though of sharing his troubles with him then disappeared in Jim's mind and were replaced by sheer annoyement, without being able to explain why.  
“Dr. Mccoy, what are you doing here on the bridge? “ he said almost angrily, surprising his friend with his tone “As I recall your place is in the Medbay.. Also why wans't I informed sooner about our arrival?” he added in a more formal tone, less aggressive voice, as soon as he managed to control himself to take a more professional stance.

  
Bones froze for a second at Jim's sudden change of mood. He soon came to and with half hurt pride he said coldly:  
“I was just coming to inform you Sir.Mr Spock here called me and wanted to speak to me personally, that is why I abandoned my post. I'm very sorry”. Bones was being unexpressive, but Jim was sure he detected a tone of sarcasm in his voice. Maybe he was too suspicious but knowing bones as well as he knew him he could be damn sure of it. He felt a pinch of guilt for being so hard on him, which he soon discarde because the need he felt to express his annoyance was greater.  
“Oh?” he continued. “And what was it that my first officer had to say to you personaly? Is he having some kind of trouble ? Any I should know of?”  
“Uhm” Bones started to say but he stopped as if he was unable to continue. He lowered his eyes.

“I called him here Captain. I wanted to see him and ask him if I would do well to wake you up since he'd recommended no one disturbs you while you sleep unless it's important. It was only logical to consult him before doing so”. Spock stepped in, breaking the doctor's silence.  
Jim froze. He felt slightly foolish for snapping at them so reclessly. Hardly professional behaviour.  
“I was on my way to wake you Jim.” He heard mccoy say quietly. Embarassed Jim gave him a look of aknowledgement and continued to thank spock on his insight. Though still a little μουδιασμενος he proceeded to sit on the chair. He had to overlook the proceedure and in a few hours hail the planet, his talk with Mccoy would have to wait.

  
“Everyone, continue performing as admirably as before. Let's reach that planet, I believe a good rest is needed by all of us. We have a difficult task after that.”  
It looked as if the Captain had returned to normal despite his earlier outbreak.

It wasn't uncommon for people to snap eventually on this ship, esp after spending such stressful weeks And the Captain's troubles with sleep didn't go unnoticed by the few that were perceptive enough. And saw him more often. So everything went back to normal, his behaviour forgotten. However Jim felt Spock and Bones trade continuous looks with each other for a long while after he'd sat on the chair..

  
Sometime passed after that and they were closer to the planet than ever, when Mccoy decided to go back to his post since he decided he wasn't needed anymore. Just before he got in the turbolift, Spock got to him and they whispered for a couplde of moments. This didn'g go unnoticed by Jim. His frustration returned and this time it was accompanied by anger. He didn't like it when people talked behind his back, especially not since he knew they had something to say about him. He got up from the chair , approached them and they stopped talking.  
Mccoy went into the lift and said indiferently  
“Let me know when we're there”.

But Jim stoped the doors from closing , not letting the doctor go. Bones looked at him inquisitly. Spock lifted an eyebrow.

“Now gentlement” Kirk said “ I'd like to know what it is you two are talking about lately all the time that's so important and secretive” The two exchanged an alarmed look, which contented Jim. They knew they were caught and they were worried. Well time to come clean, he thought.  
“Jim I assure you..” Bones started saying but Jim cut him.

“Cut the shit Bones I know you two have been meeting and talking behind my back and I am sure I know why. Now If you've got something to say to me I command you to do it right now in front of me I demand to know. I order you to tell me.”  
“Captain, it's not logical to assume..”

“The hell with your logic Mr Spock. I look to my first officer for honesty not logic. I want to know what you two have been whispering about or else you'll be charged with conspiracy”

They were both left surprised by his sudden outbreak. It was obvious Jim wans't well, his eyes had dark circles, his voice was trembling and he blinked vividly. His whole body was intense.

“Dr Mccoy and I noticed a change in your behaviour captain. I confronted the doctor about it and he told me it was due to lack of sleep, so ever since I asked him to keep me informed on your situation, since he is your doctor as much as he is the crew's So he has. There is nothing else we have discussed on the matter, nothing concerning you personally. Except for today ofcourse when I asked him if it was wise to wake you up”  
Jim looked at Bones.

  
“It's true Jim” he said .

  
“So it is true. And what may I ask , Mr Spock, gives you the righτ to demand from dr Mccoy to report to you about my personal sleeping patterns , especially when they are confidential?” At that point he gave a poisonous look to Bones whose guilt was evident , but he returned the look bravely.

  
“ Captain, as your first officer it is within my duties to keep track of your ability to judge and command responsibly. A possible sleep deprivation could lead to irrational decisions,erratic behaviour and could endanger the ship's and crew's life. It was logical to ask him about it. And dr Mccoy, as the Ship's physician is required to give the honest answers to these crucial questions, and if necessary remove you from duty”.

“Remove me from...” Jim's voice was chocked in frustration. He was now frantic, the push had come to shove when he heard that. Not only had they been “conspiring” behind his back, they'd even discussed about removing him from duty. All the frustration that had gathered in him this whole time, his annoyance at the two officers, the stress of keeping up with command duties with very little sleep and the continuous reminder of his time in Tarsus IV , was finaly breaking out, in a rather big way. It was the last straw, this was what gave him the chance to break out finally.

“You had no right, NO RIGHT” his voice rising alarmingly and several of the crew turning heads now “to discuss me in that way. I am your Captain When you see something troubling concerning anyone, including my self I expect to be informed. I demand head-on honesty especially form you two. The two people I trust the most...and you have the nerve...” he mumbled for a couple of seconds, unable to find his words because of his anger. 'OR MAYBE you were duscussing something more than my health. Maybe you were even talking about my decisions as Captain of the Enterprise. Maybe you thought altogether that I wasn't good enough a Captain and tried to find a way to remove me”.

  
At that point he was no longer controlling the words coming out of his mouth. He knew he sounded paranoid and he didn't care. Their utter lack of sensitivity and honesty towards him had angered him beyond reason. At least that's where he blamed his outburst. He just wanted to take it all out. Everything he'd been through these past days. Bones was right as usual, keeping it all in never helps. It was too late now, the cat was out of the bag he was shouting for all the wrong reasons but he didn't care anymore. The feelings were the right ones.

“Jim”, he turned surprised; this time it was Spock speaking. Calling him by name, especially on the bridge was not something he made a habbit of. “I believe you are having a break down. I think you do not mean what you are saying and it is all because by your insomnia. I suggest we take you to the Sickbay so you can take a moment to relax, before we reach Ibar. As Captain of this vessel you should be the one hailing the locals, so I suggest you try to calm down”. Spock's head on speech gave him little to argue with.

  
He remained quiet until he saw almost all the bidge crew staring at him. Apparently their little “scene” had grasped their attention. He'd exposed himself in front of his crew. His situation of the past days and his emotions had taken the best of him and left a very unlikely image of him. Jim felt very vulnerable that moment. Weak He'd exposed himself and he felt horrible. He was supposed to be the face of coolness for his crew not some frantic young man spouting about his command to his best officers.

  
Suddenly self awarness became too unbearable.His stomach stirred and his breathing became difficult. Slowly everything around him started feeling very narrow , he felt the bridge was too small and the need for air became crucial. He turned to Bones who must have seen the panick on his face because he immidiately supported his back and whispered

  
“ Come on Jim. Let's get you down to sickbay it's gonna be alright. Let's not make any more of this than it already is.”  
He took jim, who was now almost gasping for air, into the turbolift. “Spock” he nodded at him as a sign to follow them in. Spock obeyed and they soon left the bridge.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Jim starts yelling and Spock and Bones calm him down. Panick Attack Jim.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little Bones insight here. I tried to integrate some of his backstory here, the incident with his father and the divorce..  
> There's a small passage in brackets i may remove it seems like a lot of internal monologuing is going on all the time....  
> I might remove this part about Bones as well

A few hours later Jim was lying in bed in the empty and quiet sickbay. Bones wouldn't let him go despite his initial objections. He insisted on him taking a certain pill, which he promised could calm a bull. Jim had little choice so he took it and ever since he was almost unable to move his body for more than just basic movements. Good news was he was now relaxed. All the anger was gone and he no longer had difficulty breathing. In fact he felt better than he had in days. It's not that he wasn't tired anymore because he was, but it was as if the whole stress, the pressure, the frustration were now removed. It was that feeling you get when after you've cried or said something that you needed to say.. He felt...sober. Granted things hadn't gone exactly as he wanted ; his plan was eventualy seeking Bones' help, privately, and say everything that was on his mind not creating any fuss or making it a big deal. Well that went well, he thought. Jim tried to sit up. He was feeling better than before though his body and head were still sore. However, he had duties to attend to, they must have reached the planet's orbit by then it would be time to beam down soon.

  
That was when dr Mccoy came in , being followed by Spock, both with unreadable expressions on their faces. As soon as the doctor saw him he frowned:  
“And where do you think you're going? Did I give you permission to exit?”

  
Jim sighed. “Well doctor, I wasn't planning on going anywhere I just wanted to strech my legs. I feel like you tried to sedate a beast with the dosage you gave me”.  
“What makes you so sure I didn't?” Mccoy shot back still frowning. Jim's mood seemed better , and the return of his humour was a good sign. His expression softened.  
“Well alright you can walk around if you want. But you're not getting out of sickbay let me tell you that” Mccoy gestured vividly.

  
“Captain” Spock interrupted Jim as he was preparing to oppose the doctor “I came to inform you we are within the planet's orbit. You should be needed to make the introductions soon, I have asked the doctor for his permission to let you on the bridge but he strongly objected. However, we came to a mutual agreement. He believes you can hail the natives of this planet, but you must not engage in any further command duties. The doctor suggested you take “the day off” as you might say”.  
Kirk started objecting, as expected. Things about “important things to be done” and “must handle this myself”. Bones hated taking the time to persuade Jim to take care of himself, to take it easy. He was a doctor dammit. He hated being second guessed and he didn't like diffcult patients. They all think they know best, taking life less seriously than they should.

Ofcourse Mccoy wasn't the kind of guy to just take things seriously in general, on the contrary actually, he always had a good joke to make out of any situation and he certainly appreciated simple virtues such as a good drink and food. But human life? It was far too precious to play games with, to take no account for your own health and well being. Jim Kirk seemed to do just that almost every day, several of the crew, he noticed , doing the same the longer they spent on that damned ship. Ofcourse Jim was the Captain. Mccoy understood that he felt responsible for everyone in there. Even more so than himself because he was in charge of them. Every little decision he made could affect the lives of everyone in there. But sometimes he took it too far . He was so stubborn sometimes, thinking he could do everything .

  
Jim was Mccoy's most difficult patient , something for which the doctor cursed his luck everyday. He also thanked the stars everyday for Jim being the way he was. God knows if the man didn't think the way he did and acted the way he did a lot of them would have been dead now. Say what he may about Jim Kirk but he would give his life for his crew-as he attempted to do more than once. That kid is a piece of work, but I'll be damned if I let him go his way today.  
“Jim” he started. Kirk looked in Bones' the eyes... he could only see determination mirror in them. There was no point arguing anymore when Bones had that look. The look he took when it was clear he'd take no more shit; it was not a look you wanted to see reach its full potential; their doctor had a huge heart but if you tested his patience...well...there were only rumors going around the ship about people who'd crossed Bones. No one wanted to verify them.

  
“Are you sure about this Bones? Are you positive? You realise what you're asking me to do...”

  
Bones took a good moment to answer the question. Then he noded positively“I am” his tone decided. “It's for the best Jim”

  
“I still think you're making a big deal of it” Jim said but he resigned nonetheless.He was too tired to continue arguing.

  
“Jim... You had a panick attack. This is serious. You need to calm down. You can't just go on taking on more things than you can handle right now, it's the best for your own health but also for everyone in here, You owe it to them To make sure you're taking care of yourself. This is supposed to be a day off for all of us, so you make the best out of it.. Mr Spock and I can handle everythng else”.

  
“A panick attack?” Jim said in disbelief. “Me ? I.....are you sure?”

**{He had a panick attack? How was that possible , he was fine. Well not fine fine but he always considered himself an emotionaly stable and healty person, never stressing too much, always trying to resolve things calmly. Sure he was a Captain and the job was demanding and he was not one to just sit down and relax when there was so much to be done; but he always thought he had everything under control, even with the nightmares, he thought he'd get over it. That revelation was a shock to him. Had he really let it go that far this time? ?}**

  
“I'm sure. I may not be a specialized psychologist, but I know my symptoms. And I know you. So sit there, follow my instructions and in a few days you'll be good as ever”.

  
Jim nodded silently. He was still processing the informati on he'd been given.

  
“I'll give you a minute to prepare Captain”. Spock turned his back and left the Sickbay. Bones remained there looking at his feet his mind clearly elsewhere.  
“Bones?” Jim said. The doctor looked at him. Kirk only then noticed the tireness on his face. Jim knew this whole situation had affected him as well. Bones worried more than he could sometimes. Maybe he worried for both of them, Jim knew he wasn't always very careful. if it wasn't for Bones he'd never know where to stop. It must have been hard for him seeing him in this condition. He was his friend and this whole time he was reaching out but Jim refused to take his offering hand. It couldn't have been easy being unable to do anything more to help him. He remembered how back in the day, whenever Jim was having those bad nights,Bones' mood seemed to darken gradually at the same rate as Jim's. Bones had great empathy, he really hated seeing people suffer but he mostly hated not being able to help them, especially when it came to the people closest to him. Jim figured that, being a doctor ,must have made him come to terms with the fact that not everyone can be helped. Not everyone can (or wants to) be saved. Bones however didn't seem to get the memo. Maybe he was just that stubborn , but he refused to give up on anyone unless he did his last. Sometimes during their five year mission, that stubborness almost proved lethal-Jim had quite a few scares that haunted him stil,in which Bones refused to leave a patient even if that meant costing him his life. But you could always count on Bones to save you. Wether you liked it or not.

  
Jim never understood why Bones was so dedicated, almost to a fault, to do everything if that meant helping someone. Except for the fact that as a doctor he'd taken a vow to help anyone that needed his help. But it was more than that Jim knew it had to be, it wasn't just a vow motivating Mccoy, almost every doctor took that vow, every doctor has sworn to help people no matter what. But Bones' motivation was something deeper, something more personal. No, something else made his friend tick but Jim didn't know what it was, not yet. That empathy, that stubborness to preserve life at all costs -even if it meant hesitating to shoot and take a life in a life or death situation- was connected with Bones' experiences with something that was never mentioned. Bones never gave any clues about his reasons, so Jim never dug any deeper.

He looked at his friend again. He looked as if he had aged since last he saw him. Mccoy wasn't much older than Jim but he looked it. Maybe he was wiser. Or maybe it was just all he'd been through, the divorce, not being able to see his daughter, space in general-he wasn't a big fan of it- and the constant worrying. Maybe all of it along with his lifestyle, too much work and quite a bit of drinking, added to it. Jim always thought that all that frowning made Mccoy look even older than he actualy was. He felt a pinch of guilt for the sum of the troubles that were caused by himself...  
“Spit It out Bones, what is it? You make me nervous just standing there like that.” Jim said impatiently.  
Bones sighed “Ah you know me Jim I'm just worried about you. I don't think this is a good idea I'd like to keep you in for longer but, anyway you're the Captain. You gotta do what you gotta do.”

“How generous of you” Jim said sarcastically. “Don't worry Bones it'll only be a few moments, then you have my word as captain of this ship, that i'll return to Sickbay and excuse my self from duty”.

Bones rolled his eyes and opened the door, bowing slightly and making a big gesture as if to give him permission to leave. Jim smirked and walked up to Bones, slapping him on the shoulders. “It'll be fine. Relax” and slapping his arms again reassuringly, he left. Bones stood there nodding in disapproval.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which kirk decides to take easy, but fate has a different plan

_This is the Captain speaking,_ every compartment of the ship was filled with the echo of Jim Kirk's voice, while he was addressing the crew of the Enterprise. _We are about to arrive to -Ibar , a planet farthest from the Federation. We've had little to no interraction with them, over the years and that was no less than a decade ago. Little has been heard from them ever since. They have an evolved civilization much like our own but it is not a member of the Federation, so the Prime Directive will be active while we are visiting. Remember, we are guests and we know little of their customs, so be careful how you behave and react. We are going to make a short stop here for rest while we also check on the planet's progress. Your reports will be sent traight to Starfleet to update our current logs on the planet, so all observations are welcome. Please be ready for beam down soon in groups of six. Tacticals starting first. Kirk out._

  
Jim Kirk punched the communication button off. He let out a sigh of relief. That was done. Now for the hardest part, addressing the natives. He 'd gotten used to that sort of stuff, his training demanded it and the added two years of doing so during their journey , made something of a habbit of it. That didn't mean that every time he had to do this sort of thing he didn't get a knot in his stomach from being so anxious. He had to sound calm, sure, polite and most of all, sound like a captain, exress authority. Not an easy thing to do, especially in days like these when he'd rather just lie in bed He took a deep breath...

  
“Lieutenant, open hailing frequences”

  
“Hailing frequences open sir”Uhura replied quickly as usual. She gave him a reassuring nod as soon as their eyes met.

Uhura was the most discreet person he knew and although very young in age, she had a sort of reassuring presence , but not like Bones did. No, Uhura was as caring as Bones and as calculating as Spock, yet she shared none of their extemes. Their minds thought alike even though they had different opinions. When she spoke she always had something sure to say, a report or a well thought opinion, never overstating the obvious, or half thought guesses. No mincing of words. Most important, she was understanding. In a very special way. One look at her and he knew she understood, whatever he was going through, he didn't evenhave to say anything and she always knew what to say....She could have done well in command if she'd chosen to go that way, Jim thought. She conveyed an air of authority but in a way that was aimed for her, not others. She inspired respect deeper than that of someone just being good at their jobs, being brilliant. It was the sort of authority that came from knwoing where you belong, who you are, being sure of yourself and your surroundings. Of confidence.

  
After three years, he never lost wonder as to how brilliant each and everyone of his crew was. Amazing, hard working and gifted individuals, they all worked so well together. Ofcourse there's always a little trouble when you're traveling through space for three years working with he same people everday, being bound together by duty and need; but even so, they all went along well on the bridge at least.

The screen opened. Jim's trail of thought was put aside and he concentrated on what he had to say, but once he looked at the screen, he realised it was blank.  
“Lieutenant? Is there a problem”?  
“Uh no sir evrything's workng fine but there is no response. However they have their hailing frequences open and they are receiving.”  
“So where are they?”  
“ I don't know sir, but you can go ahead and speak hoping someone will be listening” and with that Uhura opened the channel again.  
“This is Captain James T Kirk of the USS Enterprise. We are members of the United Federation of Planets, which as I recall you've dealt with in the past. We are to make a short stop here in your planet for our people to rest and for our tactical and scientific teams to make observations and note any requests you might have from the Federation.”  
Silence. Kirk looked around impatiently.  
“Please respond, this is James T Kirk of the USS ..”

  
“Yes we heard you the first time Captain” a voice interrupted. Jim turned to look at Uhura and she lifted her shoulders.  
“Who am I speaking to ?” he continued.

  
“This is Megra V'Yyhal I am in charge of this part of the planet, I represent the Ch'Tasu Colony and at this moment my species.”

  
“That's good to know Mr. Megra V'Yyhal. I hope we're not inconviniencing you, I had sent a request to visit your planet a good few months ago, with a positive reply.”

  
“Yes yes you did Captain. Or so I'm told. But things have changed since then. Look unless it's absolutely necessary I suggest you stay away”.

  
“What's the matter? Did something happen? Is there anything we could do?”

  
“No Captain. To be honest we just have some issues down here and you wouldn't help”.

  
“Well I must insist if it's nothing too serious we've arranged this a while ago”. Kirk now sounded more pressing. Spock was looked at him suspiciously. He wasn't content with Megra's reply either.

  
“We'd really like to beam down and check things out at least” Jim looked at Spock at that point. The Vulcan gave a positive nod. There was something going on there and they needed find out what. It wasn't common for species to change agreements like that,even if they weren't part of the Federation. And the Prime Directive stated they needed to make sure the planet was safe.

  
There was a long pause during which Jim looked inquisitivly at his first officer. Spock's face was unreadable. He said nothing but he raised an eyebrow indicating interest. Jim was sure that if he did speak he would say “Fascinating”. That seemed to be Spock's catchphrase for anything unusual that happened. It was also a word he used to imply sarcasm, though he'd rather die than admit it, especialy to the doctor. Jim was sure the Vulcan was using the word in lack of something useful to say, like a defend mechanism of sorts. It did fit in almost every occasion in all honesty..  
The silence broke finaly and Megra spoke again:

  
“Captain, our population is suffering from a serious famine. It was caused by a virus a while ago I believe it is something Starfleet has encountered before because they sent medication to us some years ago. However there's been another outbreak this last year and even though we;re no almost all cured I would not suggest you beaming down it might endanger your crew”.

  
The voice sounded final.

  
“Uhura, is there any way we can get visual?”. Kirk wispered

  
“Affirmative sir. I can transfer the call to the audiovisual channels but we'll need permission from the other side as well to initiate video call”.  
“Do it lieutenant”.  
“Megra Yyvhal, I have requested for visual contact please confirm”.

  
Silence.

  
A short while after a female figure appeared on screen. She was humanoid though she looked as if she was projected on a distortion mirror, slightly whimsical. Her hair had a slight yellow shade, not surprising since their sun was a yellow star not a red one like Earth's sun. Her face revealed nothing, it was a mask of determination, superiority, calmness and authority all forged together in an intimidating look which, combined with age and the obvious experiences of a long serving leader, gave her a numinus presence . She was undoubtedly the leader of this colony. Kirk knew one when he saw one. The signs were all there. Her way of standing, her expression, the way she scanned their ship once visual contact was initiated , the way the rest of the people stood around her and her tone once she spoke, made it clear enough.

  
“I am Commander Megra Yyvihal , Justicar and Governor of this colony”. Her voice monotone and commanding. “You may adress me as Governor or or Commander Megra. On behalf of my people I greet you Captain Kirk of the Federation”.

  
“We're honoured Commander”. Kirk looked slightly over taken by her but it was mostly the fact that he was expecting to see a male since the voice that had been speaking to them was clearly one. He ought to make a comment about this, ignoring it would make him look stupid and could probably offend Megra. It was obvious they were all inteligen

t so pretending to ignore the fact that they had been speaking to an entirely different person the whole time made no difference to them was silly.  
“I'm sorry but I have to ask. I am positive that earlier I was speaking to an entirely different person The voices sounded different. Yet it was you who appeared to greet us and claim to be the representative of this planet. I hope I'm not offending anyone by asking why that happened”? Jim asked in his most polite and diplomatic tone. He put a lot of effort in the phrasing of that question. He felt a bit overwhelmed. All he wanted to do was get a nice long sleep and rather let Spock deal with this mystery. The whole affair was talking way too long, more than he had anticipated.  
“It is common in our culture for leaders to use decoys, people to represent them until they decide the matter demands their attention. I apologise if this is offensive in your culture. Fad'ee here is my right hand man and I trust him to resolve a lot of my affairs that don't require my immidiate involvement He has a risky and heavy job to do.”

  
“I see” Kirk said “So as I understand it you have some problems. I'm gad to let you know we are all vaccinated to the desease and we cannot get sick. I will sent however fewer of my crew than I expected down there, with all the necessary precautions. Thank you for the warning. We have don't have vaccines in our ship but we can sent a request to Starfleet to sent a vessel here with supplies. Ofcourse I'd have to sent down my medical officers to take

blood samples and run some tests to make sure the vaccine would work on you or if it needs alterations. If that's alright with you” he added in the end.  
“Look Kirk, I'd rather not have anyone involved in our affairs. We can handle everything ourselves down here.” the commander said rather abruptly.  
“It's my duty to provide help if I see that it's needed, you must understand that. I can't just look away.” Kirk's tone was unegociable. He was beginning to get really tired and impatient, he had no more time for playing diplomat.

  
Megra didn't speak for a while. She only continued lookin intrigingly at Kirk as if she was examining him, trying to determine what to say next. After a long pause she spoke:

  
“Very well. You can sent your medical personel to run the tests. But only if you promise not to interfere any further in anything we do down here and to leave as soon as you are ready. I hope I won't have to sent you away in a less polite manner. I'm very sorry we inconvenience your travel schedule but we are in a bit of a tough situation here, so I apologize for my lack of hospitality”. Her voice , though polite enough, indicated that she wouldn't take a negative answer to her proposition. Kirk could do little but say yes.

  
“Thank you your requests are very reasonable. We'll be ready in a few minutes. Kirk out”.

  
“Well that was draining” he said after the call ended. He felt sweat running down his back. Commander Megra was intimidating he wondered what it was like for the people she was in charge of.

  
“What did you think of our host Mr Spock”? He asked his first officer, turning to him.

  
Spock spoke slowly. “It was a most fascinating conversation” he said. “I believe Commander Governor Megra was behaving most illogically . She was not eager to accommodate us despite our mutual agreement and she was specific about us “interfering” with their afairs. That would be logical considering our association with her planet has been minimal so it is natural they wouldn't want anyone medling with their ways, however Starfleet and the Federation never showed any intentions of doing so. Moreover, our proposal of medical assistance would be logicaly welcome by someone facing a serious virus. But I believe she was not just being cautious. I believe she was being secretive and hasty”.

  
“thank you mr Spock. I think there's something goingon down there and we oughta findout what it is”.

  
“I don't know Jim she's sure hiding something, did you see howthat guy Fad'ee kept looking at her so nervously? And the people around her were the same ” Bones' voice was heard behind Jim. He turned and saw the doctor standing right in front of the turbolift, arms crossed looking skeptical.

  
“Doctor! When did you come on the Bridge I barely noticed you. How long have you been standing there?”

  
“I came in when you put her through. I won't be offended that you didn't notice me , I admit Megra was an intimidating pressence Enough to take up all of your attention”.

  
“Sure was. Mr Spock I want you down there with me, prepare and away team of tacticals. You too mr Sulu, Uhura we'll need you too, find out what you can about their customs and language we can't risk offending them in any way.”

  
“Yes sir” she said and swiftly went off to prepare followed by Sulu. Spock went all the way to the turbolift but dind't join the other two. Instead he turned and waited for Jim.

  
Kirk pressed the communication button “Mr Scott you have the bridge, please have the transporter ready for beaming and then report to the bridge”.  
“Aye sir” Scotty's voice was heared from the speaker. Jim headed to the lift, followed by Bones. “Naturaly you're with me Doctor. I want you to prepare an way team too. Gather as many of the medical personel you need to run all the tests on the people down there.Let's hope this doesn't take very long”.  
“Wait a minute Jim” Bones hurried “You're not actually thinking of going down there are you”?

  
“Ofcourse I am Bones I'm the captain, this is strange and delicate situation we are facing, it's my duty to go down there and investigate.” They all moved to the turbolift. “Spock” Jim signaled Spock who followed them in and the doors closed.

  
“Transporter room”.

  
“Jim seriously you shouldn't go there. Spock and I can handle it. Sulu and uhura too they're all experienced and excellent at their jobs. You can put Spock in charge you need to go back and rest. You were only supposed to greet them not go on an away mission”. Bones gestured vividly, showing his irritation.  
“The Doctor is right Jim. You yourself said you are medicaly unfit for duty”.

  
“Well no one unfitted me officially so I'm going down there and neither of you should stop me. This has turned out to be more complicated than we though so I'm going find out what's happening. There's decisions that might need to be made and I'm the only one who should be burdened with them. The Prime Directive is active and I need to assess our course of action. People's lives are at stake”.

  
“The Captain is also right doctor. This is not a trivial matter, the Captain Should be present.”

  
Mccoy started to object but Spock cut him off continuing: “However, since the Captain's health is equaly important, I suggest we both accompany him in his whereabouts and if we and he deems his presence no longer necessary you are welcome to acompany him back to the ship and make sure he gets the necessary rest and care.”

  
“What you're going to babysit me now? Do I get a say in this?”

  
“No” Bones replied dryly and then added “Sir”.

  
Jim gave him a half smile. “Alright gentlemen, I agree. I admit I feel.....well aweful. If I'm given the chance to get away from there I will ,I promise you, right now there's nothing more I'd like than my quiet quarters and my solf pillow. Off the record ofcourse”.

  
Bones managed to crack a smile. If anything, Jim admiting he was tired was a positive outcome. He felt sorry for him that moment. Jim was smiling but his eyes weren't. They were sad and sore from lack of sleep. He wouldn't want to be in his place right now, despite all that jIm still had to go and do his damned job. Well if everything did turn out ok he'd make sure himself, that his friend would be treated the way he should. He didn't care if he'd have to take him off duty for a whole damn week.

  
“Now if you'll excuse me I have to prepare a medical team to beam down. This is my stop.” The doctor said as he pressed the button for the turbolift to stop at sickbay. “See you in the transporter room in a few minutes. I sure wish you didn't have to go down there Jim”.

  
“So do I Bones”.

  
With that Bones left and Spock and Kirk were left alone in the lift.

  
“Spock is your team ready?”

  
“Yes captain. A team of tacticals is waiting for us in the transporter room I briefed them as soon as you told me to.”

  
Right about then the doors opened and they were met by 4 red-shirts, one IT and Scotty who was imatiently waiting for Jim and Spock to approach him.  
“What's goin on Captain? I thought we were all beamin' down to the planet for a while”

  
“I don't know yet Scotty but we believe the people there might be hiding something from us. There might be something serious going on and if we can help we should. Could be nothing and maybe it's just thm being suspicious of strangers, but we need to make sure. Until then i'm not letting anyone else go down there.”

  
“Aye Captain” Scotty replied, his face darkened.

  
“Oh and, keep it cool here alright Scotty?” Kirk said while heading to the transporter.

  
Scotty gave him a knowing smile, “Aye sir”.

  
Kirk went on the transporter along with the tactical team. “We're going down there to investigate and help out. The colony in that part of the planet claims to have been affected by the Eli virus . As you know we are now ammune to it so we are in no danger. However I advise you to be careful. Now, our primary goal is to help out but whatever you do and see should be recorded. We are going to give a full report to Starfleet.” And with that he turned to Scotty and said

“Energize”.

  
The 6 figures slowly disappeared and Spock and Scotty were left watching.


	6. UPDATE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The away teams beam down to the planet and split up, trying to find out exactly what is happening there. The science team, accompanied by the red-shirt Nichols come accross something interesting...

 

Not long before Kirk, Mccoy and the rest of the away team transported on Ibar, Spock appeared as well, followed by his own team of scientists. They were all sorts of specialties and departments, each of them a tricorder in hand and some of them several other useful tools and gadgets.

They had beamed on the foot of a hill, T'vala as the Commander had called it. Her escort team was waiting for them on the other side of it. Spock noded to the team he had assembled and they left without saying a word. They took the opposite direction to where the escort team waited.

Kirk and Mccoy exchanged an amused look. Spock was never a man of words , and discipline, you could say was his middle name. He didn't have to say much to his team, being his team, they would do the job as excellent as he would.

Mccoy turned to his team of medics and nursers.

“Alright everybody, here we are. We're still cautious of the infection mentioned, we may be amune but we don't know how it evolved in this species so better be safe than sorry. Check out symptoms that may be out of the ordinary, make sure their physique can handle the infection and/or the medication you offer. Check for any facilities they might have , maybe we can learn more about how this thing spread and to what extend. You sent your reports to me first but they'll also be automatically on a queue list to Starfleet They'll remain there for only a sort time, too short for me to check them thoroghly so if you make any errors they better be light. The natives' security is waiting for you at the end of this road they'll escort you around the colony so you can run your tests. They have agreed to that at least. Ok y'all know what to do, spread out and take care.”

Dr Mccoy's speech ended with that and he looked around akwardly. “Glad this is done” he said in relief. “Now I better come with you Jim I wanna talk to this Megra and see if she canfill me in on some details about this whole virus thing, how it started, what symptoms they have exactly and all that...”

'Yes that's a good idea Bones” Jim responded. “Spock I want you with me too, first you have to present yourself as First Officer to the Commander, that's usually protocol. After that I hope we'll have her permission to do all the scientific research we can.” At this point jIm lowered his voice “And if we don't , have the team ready to gather information as discreetly and swiftly as possible”.

“In secret Captain?” Spock argued, eyebrow lifted, though he looked rather amused.

“Well Mr Spock it will be done discreetly.... Besides we have Starfleet orders...”

“Yes we do,” hurried Mccoy “We can't disobay now can we?”

“Indeed not”, Spock's final answer came.

“Good then. Since we're all settled let's begin.”

“You ensign” Kirk turned to the red shirted woman behind him. What _was her name? He was sure he'd heard it somewhere, oh yes!_ “Nichols, is it?”

“Yes sir” the woman positioned herself in attention.

“I want you to follow the science team as well”

“Sir, there's already someone from operations with them, Riley, I was sent by mr Sulu for your team”

“I know ensign but want you to join the science team. As I recall I'm the Captain ,no?”

“Sir..”

“I know you're trying to do your job, I have another team of red shirts coming down to accompanie us so rest assured, the science team is in greater danger right now than we are. They are opperating out of official records so you need to keep them safe and most importanly, secret. At least for now. Once we get approval ffrom the Commander to look around, feel free to join us. Understood?”

“Yes sir” ensign Nichols' doubts and objections were reassured, even if they werent 't she could't do much about it so she hurried behind Spock's team that had left not a few moments ago”

“Let's go gentlemen” Kirk suggested.

“Captain we must wait for the rest of the team I do not recomment three senior officers going in unacompanied, especially to a possibly inhospitable environment”

“Inhospitable? Oh come on Spock...I just wanna get this over with , bringing in more people will make it more complex come on, we can begin and the team will find us later”

“Jim I think we sould wait. You were the one who suggested lt Uhura to join us for good relations anyway at least we should wait for her”

Just at that moment the familiar transporter glow appeared right next to them and Uhura's figure was formed. “Reporing for duty Captain” she said as soon as she saw them. Three red shirts followed, all security and finally Sulu.

“Mr Sulu,” started Kirk as soon as Sulu reported with the usual formalities of a lieutenant “I want you to lead the security team but be ready to beam up as soon as possible You're our main pilot and I want you back on the ship as fast as you can.”

“Yes sir. We're good to go sir.” He stood by the red shirts who formed a team of four behind him. They were all set, Kirk Spock and Uhura in the front, Mccoy behind them, hands behind his back and Sulu with his team on their footstep.

Soon they were all on their way, Commander Megra's team was waiting for them at the bottom of the hill.

 

**************************************************************************

The science team was sweeping as much planet surface as they would while running scans and looking for information on the planet. It was a wealthy in greens planet, that particular part was very moist and the climate was almost tropical, thought there was baren land here and there probably as a result of the famine that was said to have befallen upon the colony.

They were fast and efficient at their work, cataloguing plants, atmospheric conditions, microorganisms and different species, examining the terrain, basically examining every little detail they could. They were quite thorough. It was a hospitable planet and very much like Earth, especially places under the Equator, with rich vegetation and a tad more humidity than needed.

The team was silent as much as they could but as the time passed and the effect of Spock's presence was wearing off with the more distance they out between them, they started chatting and joking to one another in whispers, as silently as they could. They were three men and two women, one of the latter was in a red tunic, ensign Nichols. It was her who noticed the dry and bare piece of land a few meters away from were they were standing.

It wouldn't be anything to draw attention, it looked like It was just dirt or a substance that looked like sand, nothing weird appart from the fact there was not a single sign of green on it; but at a more carefull look she realised the ground had patterns on it, square ones, as if there was something under it

“Uh...people? Do your tricorders read anything about that place over there? “ she asked pointing towards the bare-land. “Looks like something's under there.

“No nothing, no life signs whatsoever and no recognizable patterns that could indicate any type of structure” the answer came from ensin Kaar, a blond, bright eyed young ensign from the science team. His young age was obvious from his wide eyes and carefree forehead, but his excellent skills as a scientist were no less hidden from anyone who watched him meticulously conduct the necessary examinations on his tricorder and process the data.

“Maybe we should set the scanner transmitions to a greater range underground, see if there's anyhting hiding under there. I think I can also see something but very vagely. And If I can, I'm sure Lieutenant Nichols' perfect eyesight must have definitely caught it” added Lieutenant Oswald, another blue-shirted member of Spock's elite team. Her eyes, for all their fairness, were dented by shortshightedness which was ofcourse easily treatable with a minor injection, but one that Oswald couldn't do due to some anomaly in her inner cortex. She was also young but not as much as ensign Kaar, rather closer to Nichols' age. She had quite dark skin and a wide smile which proved- in a number of occasions that day – to be infectuous to every member of the team.

She gave the smile to Nichols' who blushed and returned it gratefully. Kaar proceeded to widen the scan. His frown while tryign to read the indications of the tricorder, turned into suprise as soon as he saw what it said.

“That's...wow” he said wheezing in surprise.

“What”? Oswald, the one closest to him, asked. She approeached him and looked at his tricorer.

“Ohhh” she said.

“Come on guys spit it out, what is it?” Nichols' impatience was evident, she took out her own tricorder and set it to a 500km scan but before it was complete, ensign Kaar started explaining.

“Uhm there's indications of a building about 300 kilometers underground”

“Well.... _building_ is an understatement”, Oswald cut him, “It's more like a palace....It's huge like a small village or court, at least that's what we're reading here”. Her own surprise wasn't hidden either.

Nichols' eyes widened. “How can they built something so big down there?And most importantly Why?. There's something shifty going on here I don't like it.”

“Normaly I would say it's not that uncommon to find species and cultures building underground places, for a number of reasons...Shelter, escape routes, a fondness for the underground” , another ensign, Jones, spoke this time, a young woman who was following Kaar most closely he whole time. She had dark brown straight hair shoulder lenght, large ember eyes and small posture. She was almost always quiet, didn't really participate much in the jokes that went around the team while walking together. Her voice was steady and slightly monotone as if she was reciting everything out of a book.

“But now?” asked Nichols' , looking at her meaningfully.

“Now..”Jones took her time answering, as if contemplating over her choice of words “I believe we've had no indication of this species having any preference for underground constructions. All we've read, heard and seen so far even indicated otherwise . They've got great appreciation for sky and flying related stuff, anything that's ON or OFF the grounf. Esp if they're military constructions...as you've seen they're almost all aerial. It's no escape route either, there are several ways out of that place but none easily accessible from all rooms and chambers, only from some parts of the construction...An escape route would have exits and entrances very easy to find and that would lead to a safe locations, logically far away from this place, through tunnels or something similar...Also there's been no great world wars in between this species and they're well protected from Klingons and Romulans out here, nor did they have any monarchs so why should they need an escape palace?. SO that leaves us with two options: 1) shelter, 2) _shifty_ scenario” she said that and clinged her haid to Nichols' side who smiled at her.

“And..”

“MOREOVER”, Oswald started talking but Jones wasn't done yet:

“Shelters are usualy not built in such large scales, and definately not in the form of one big building, rather many smaller ones, for practical reasons.

 "I see." Nichols replied skeptically, still going over all the facts she'd been given. Then she made the question everyone was probably thinking..

"So what the hell is this thing then?"

 

"No idea" Kaar replied.

"Yeah me neither" Jones and Oswald said in unison.

 

Nichols sighed and turned to face the direction of where the underground "palace" was supposed to be.

"Well then" she said, fixing her tunic and taking a deep breath "I guess we'll have to go in and find out".  She started moving towards it, while

the blue-shirts exchanged worried and doubtfull looks, but eventually they all followed Nichols decidedly approaching fast the barren piece of land, where the loccation that made them so curious was.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes yes ensign Nichols, I'm terrible with names so i just put Nichelle's last name as the characters'...  
> She's pretty cool i think...i love secondary Star trek characters in general they're so interesting so now i had ht chance to make my own!


End file.
